Road Tripping 5000 miles to Greece//Solo Female Travel
I did it!
I drove all the way to Greece (!) and started to volunteer with the homeless refugee population here. And when I tell people what I’m doing the first thing most people say is - ‘I’m so jealous’.
Yes, there is a freedom that comes from being on the road and being totally in control which also brings feelings of pressure that comes from being totally responsible -it is exhausting. Adulting is hard kids, so I am writing an honest review about all the feels I’ve felt over the past two months I’ve had on the road thus far.
Setting up to set off
Returning to the UK after spending a year in Iceland, volunteering at Konukot, a homeless shelter for women in Reykjavik, I had lots to process. It had been a rollercoaster of a year and I had decided, what with the world feeling more accessible having spent a year living in a house of volunteers from around the world, that I could drive to Greece, to find out really what the ‘Refugee Crisis’ that I kept hearing and reading about meant. I had previously volunteered with in Calais so I wanted to get closer to the border over on the other side of Europe, to find out what was really going on.
I needed to get my van road legal again as it had been sorn and left in a field for a year. Some friends were getting married in Italy which helped motivate me to set off, breaking down the journey, Italy not quite as far away from the UK as Greece. There was a fog of discomfort, anticipation mixed with disassociation and a pinch of apprehension.
Now I didn’t have to do this and when the van repeatedly had problems in the short two weeks I had back to get packed, worse case I could have just flown there. However the wedding, setting out on this journey, it was the catalyst for something bigger. I saw it as the starting point to get me over to mainland Europe, giving myself up to the universe and surrendering to where ever it led me. I had no plan or arrengments for volunteering and had every faith that there would be plenty of volunteers needed + I didn’t know how long it was going to take me. I wasn’t in a rush, I just had as long as my savings and van permitted me
The universe, to some a call from God, for others it’s that voice in the head. For me, believing when I look at the night sky and see the moon, or when I can feel the suns rays shine down on me, this is a power greater than myself that reminds me its got hold of me and has my best interest at heart. Each to their own eh?
Giving myself two weeks to get the van ready (#edielt35) was a huge distraction from really catching up with friends and family and digesting the time I’d just had, spent away from them. I stepped foot back in to my old life, some things had changed and some things had stayed the same but I had changed. Iceland was a turbulent year of personal growth what with all that darkness, head shaving and life stuff. I felt guilty for not being home longer but I also felt I had to do this. I saw the van as a challenge and didn’t know whether I’d got this all wrong, maybe I was supposed to stay home but the thought of stepping back to a life I’d lived before with this road trip idea seed staying a dream -that didn’t sit right. The van passed its MOT. I booked a ferry for the next morning and made it to the wedding in Petroli, Italy, three days later.
Pre wedding
Setting off and saying goodbye to family that morning was tough. Here I go again, leaving you all behind and how grateful I am that you allow me to follow my crazy dreams. Of course it is never easy saying goodbye and this time I had no time frame for being away ‘I just don’t know when I’ll be back’. It was overwhelming. I had to keep reminding myself to break the trip down and that right now my only task is to get down to Dover for the ferry. Tick. To drop off donations to the warehouse in Calais for refugees. Tick. Drive to Italy. Tick.
I’m driving along and getting this time to myself without any external influences, allowing my mind to wonder. Through France, and its flat monotonous roads, Switzerland and its stunning scenery, into Italy and its insanely busy highways. Now I was allowing myself to dream more crazy dreams, reflect on what I’d learnt this past year and anticipate whats still to come - ‘keep focused, just get to the wedding’.
Seeing a sign for the sea 20 minutes from the wedding venue, I felt euphoric and parked up to go have a quick dip. ‘We did it Edie, we made it, we drove to Italy, alone!’. This felt like a huge accomplishment as years before I was led to believe I couldn’t drive a van by an ex partner - simply for being born female. Look at me know.
The Buddymoon
Post wedding the bride and groom and their friend Holly were road tripping back to the UK so I spent a few days with them on a ‘buddy-moon’. The night before we parted ways we sat out under the stars, parked up by a lake. We feasted on fresh italian delicious things, listened to music and felt all of the magic around us that night What was this - apart from absolutely beautiful? If nothing else, even if a don’t go any further, right now, this moment, this is life. So much warmth filled my heart – spending time in nature, with ambient music connected with others and making simple memories.
Riding Solo
I watched the gang drive off the following morning as I stayed by the same lake for a few days. ‘Woah, I’m now just a van dweller without a solid plan’. Freedom! I remember before learning to drive, dreaming of how it would feel to get in a car and just drive. When I could drive, I dreamt of missing the junction that would take me to work and instead just keep driving. Now, I can go anywhere, do anything and yet all I want to do is stay still. Uh-oh. The days that followed would drag as I’d wait for day to become night, for time to fall around me. ‘Yes, I survived another day!’, I would think to myself.
Is this really what I want? Right now I feel miserable and lonely and am asking myself how on earth did I end up all alone in Italy? Here was the next test from the universe – relearn how to be alone. I really do believe that we have so much unlearning to do and all that we need is within each of us. How awesome it is that I get to have this time, this solitude, this space, this lake - peace. I was full of bittersweet memories of the others that were fading and now I had nothing to distract me except the task at hand and no one to share it with. I can’t run away from me, we have ourselves for company for the rest of our lives. I’ve learnt now how nourishing this relationship can be. Let it be said that this time was a healing time. I faced myself head on and learnt to ask ‘what do you need right now?’ to help move through the day. I read, I slept, I wrote, I swam, I walked, I even bmx’d to the closest town. I began breaking my day down into smaller tasks like the trip. From getting up, making food to picking up a book, a pen, the bmx – it all took care of itself one step at a time. It was as if there was a gentle voice in my head guiding me, nuding me towards what I needed in that next moment to help regulate. When it was time the voice encouraged me to look at a map ‘you decide where to go next’.
At the height of the anxs I would tell myself I can always just drive home. I’d wince at the thought then the anxs would subside and the thrill would set in again.
Let the Road Trip Begin
I’d researched a few places I’d seen other van types suggest and would move around most days. I was on the road with only a small collection of CDs for company. I’ve heard them all 1000 times. I started to get used to this way of life, I had found my rhythm. I’d become better at staying in touch with friends and family, they were only a phone call away and this really helped me stay sane. I drove around Italy visiting hot springs (nothing like in Iceland), drove through Pisa to catch a glimpse of the leaning tower, swam in the sea, had the beach to myself. As I floated I felt free again. It. Was. Pure. Bliss. This is a beautiful, simple life and it’s all mine. I was doing it, spending hours driving through the days then looking for a lake or forest to park up in before night set in.
The stress that comes from trying to find the right place to park up, particularly at night – jeewhizz! I remember heading to Lake Goda only to realise that this is a hugely touristic place, with no laybys to pull in or quiet car parks big enough for the van, let alone free. I kept driving until midnight and here the psyche kicks in again. The voice tells me ‘you will find somewhere to park, you won’t be driving all night’. Almost instantly there it was, the perfect little pull in, although I’m now wired from hours of driving in the dark and fear this might be someones drive way. The moons shining through the window and push came to shove. I nodded off, sleep won that night. The excitement of waking up, eagerly anticipating the first peep out of the window. This morning I woke up and I was had found myself in heaven. I was over looking a lake with the bluest water and magnificent mountains. Peace had returned to my heart once again. I lived to see another day. I was getting the hang of this ‘road trip’ business.
Next stop the Balcons
In Iceland, I met and lived with many slavs. I didn’t know much about mainland Europe beyond Spain or Italy, typical ignorant brit. I had no real plan so I had the freedom to go with the flow, I was only led by the people I knew, other international volunteers I’d met in Reykjavik. From Italy I decide to I head towards Slovakia via Austria. As I reached northern Italy into the Alps the temperature dropped dramatically. Thank goodness I bought my lopapeysa (a traditional Icelandic wool jumper), and I have a log burner in the van (which brings it’s own stress - I can’t go to sleep with it on for fear the van would burn down in my sleep).
Driving everyday I see beautiful landscape and I’ve created a safe haven in my home on wheels so I tend not to stray too far from the van when I park up. A look out the window, a stroll down the street then there’s usually something in my way, preventing me for straying too far, after all I am my Fathers daughter, I’m well aware about all of the potential threats out here in the big wide world. Never the less I find peace which comes from parking up in nature. I tried parking up in built up areas but I I feel the huge, old, rusty van is not something I want to impose blocking anyones view and neither do I want to be talk of the town or worse, fear anyone passing or speaking near by are plotting how to break in - I just haven’t got the emotional capacity for people. Despite this heightened stress there is also an adventurer inside still getting a thrill from all of this. The buzz I get when I cross a border is second to none, tick - I’m in another country! Fortunately we can move freely around the schengan area (f*ck brexit), its always a pleasant surprise to find yourself in a new place, noticing the subtle shifts. Although every country has its own vibe, northern Italy also appears pretty similar to Austria by the architecture but everyones wearing their coats. The climates different. There seems to be a different energy or perhaps its the obvious fact I’d crossed a border and saw the sign telling me I am now somewhere new. Perhaps I have a different energy, another accomplishment, another foot set in a new country, tick.
In Italy and Austria I met friends I had volunteered with during my time in Iceland. Camila showed me around Padua and suggested I could get the train to Venice to cut down costs - I found free parking and it was €4 for the train.
I was so excited, I was heading to thee Venice. The moment you step off the train it is carnage. One guy describes it as pandemonium as I took my scooter (I got told off for scooting in Venice by the police), for a mooch around. Camilia had made some recommendations. One this beautiful, old cafe, the other a book shop with an old gondola used as a bookcase. After a few hours I was done, tick. I headed back, I longed to get back to my own space, I could imagine staying to enjoy the place longer with company instead of being on my own everywhere I would go.
In Austria I met an Icelandic friend working in the Icelandic Cafe there in Vienna. He did a tarot reading for me, my first. All seemed about right, I was stepping out of one season of life into another, sure. We ate and spoke about life and I realised we hadn’t spent much time together when I lived in Reykjavik but I relished in how easy it felt to connect and share this time now, even if only brief, a few hours one evening. We parted ways and I left him and his friend who he’d spent the day with enjoying the river in the sun. I decided to continue driving that night, to find somewhere out of the city to park up in. I hadn’t realised just how close the border was.
I’d asked my Slovakian friend, Marek, who is still in Iceland, if he had any suggestions for me upon reaching Bratislava - he really pulled out all the stops. Marek had a friend, Juri, who offered to put me up and show me around the city, and in addition to this, I got to spend a night visiting Mareks home, spending the night with his parents , who don’t speak English, and his brother, who was recently back from working in America now thrown in to translating. I spent the night in Mareks room thinking about just how hospitable this human was letting me have a taste of life in Bratislava. His brother was on hand to translate everything thank goodness, including his fathers take on the history of Slovakia from as far back as the 16th century. Back with Juri, he opened his home to me, showed me around the city, there was a light installation in the evening, we danced the night away at some underground night and went for some traditional food, as well as some delicious pancakes that were only €0.20!
Through Juri I met Dano, who invited me to the village. I was introduced to the family who all live locally, and to the goats. We went to the woods where his family has a cabin. We cooked sausage over a fire, drank beer, smoked, talked about life and watched the stars. Upon leaving I was gifted two huge jars of home made honey. I knew Marek was hospitable but I had no idea this would stretch out to strangers being generous and allowing me to see another taste of life. Thanks to Marek, I had been treated like an extension of his family, by his friends. I only wish I could be this hospitable and I’m so very grateful to be shown this as an example of humanity. The bar has been raised.
Having spent a few days with these people I had to crack on and after a long drive through Hungary with not much to report, I was comfortable again making do with my own company. I made it to Slovenia to meet one last friend, another housemate from Iceland. This was really useful, to talk through everything I’d experienced thus far and also anticipate whats next. Simon likes to ask the ‘right’ question and didn’t hesitate to ask ‘what are you running from?’. Well, I am also a fan of asking big questions but I wasn’t sure what he meant. ‘I’m not running away, I’m just being open to the universe and what it has to show me’, he thought was a good way of reframing ‘running away’. If I’ve learnt anything this year though, its not to let others influence your core beliefs. I’m grateful to have someone to prod and poke so I can check in with my own beliefs.
Our past can be seen as a collection of stories we tell to define ourselves. I often refer to the end of a relationship as being a catalyst for the volunteering/’winging it’ lifestyle I now have. Since coming out of a 9 year relationship, I know I have a fear of settling down again, living in one place, despite all the great things that I got to experience during that time. I now fear stability, not that being unstable is any healthier, I just know that since then, I have delved deeper into myself, tried things that scare me and picked myself up enough times to now have a sense of my own strength. I don’t believe I am running away, perhaps making up for lost time, trying to get stuck into the life I’d wanted for a world, to see the world, to change the world. I am constantly learning, now keen to face things head on and I see the beauty in chaos whilst seeking balance.
Now at this point I’d had a friend suggest they would come out for part of the trip. It was difficult to plan as I had no idea where I would be from one day to the next but I decided to meet them in Slovenia. Once again I had a mission, a deadline to work towards.
