21.4.28
Volunteering in Iceland//
Konukot - Womens Night Shelter
I have been working at a women’s shelter in Iceland for 7 months now. There is a shelter for women and children fleeing domestic violence but you must be sober to access these services. Konukot, the women’s shelter, is for homeless women who may be dependent on substances and who suffer with their mental health. All the staff and guests are female, though all genders can make use of the needle exchange. Male visitors are asked to wait outside.
Konukot is a place where women can come to rest, eat and freshen up between 5pm - 10 am, the place is shut during the day. It is not temporary accommodation, simply a bed for a night with a focus on harm reduction. There is a consumption room in the basement - the first of it’s kind in Iceland.
Over the past few months I have got to know a few of the regulars..
When I started volunteering, I was told that the women who used the shelter had each been hurt by a man. This felt like a bold statement - how can that be?
Tonight two women shared their stories with me.
Over time, I’ve built a rapport with the guests and have learnt some of the different circumstances these women face and the mistreatment of them by the men in their lives - partners, friends, fathers, step fathers, uncles, bosses, colleague, strangers.
Working with women is a different field to what I am used to; my background is working with young people, often from areas of deprivation. I was used to support work but this was confronting me in a different way. Was in away at a disadvantage for being born ‘femme’?
Never could I have anticipated, not only the impact the women would have on me but also the journey of self discovery I inevitably would end up taking whilst living on the land of fire and ice. I would go on to have a ‘breakdown / spiritual awakening’, reframed thanks to the work of Brené Brown. I was about to stare into a mirror of how my life could have turned out having experienced gender-based violence.
My awakening was set with the Icelandic winter darkness as back drop which made it easy to hibernate. Cocooned I delved deep inside myself. You know the places you try to ignore, forget and cover up? The ones you use different crutches to distract yourself from? I was having a rummaging around this chest of lost emotions and forgotten memories, taking stock of the misplaced and undigested feelings and emotions.
After emptying the contents and pouring out the last of my messy, pungent and unresolved trauma, I realised that all these experiences and feelings are what had led me to be me. It wasn’t a case of destroying this shit, I needed to learn how to accept it as a part of me. It was time to accept it and repack my baggage.
Tonight I felt the women who shared with me their baggage did so because they are in fact brave.
I call these women who are so often looked down upon by society, brave. I am inspired by them each and every day because they are women who have nothing, who have been disrespected, displaced, hurt, abused, abandoned and mistreated - by men, the system, society and they keep fighting. Toxic support networks and unhealthy coping strategies, self destructive yet still holding on and showing up here, not yet giving up. Clasping at hope of getting better, a desire to survive after just one more release.
That is Survival, what absolute hero’s.
As I hear more stories of the men in their lives, some they think highly of and others less so, I think about how I have allowed others to influence how I feel about myself. The greatest lesson is self love yet we seek validation in others. I had been living with epic people but I sought attention from people who had little interest in me. I tried to be ‘cool’, to fit in, to please others and fought a losing battle. It’s exhaustion all of the performing, wearing masks
.
By day I help at the International school, working with five year olds to help with my Icelandic. What Icelandic I know is niche and reflective of the roles I have at a night shelter and a school - it’s not conversational. The five year olds I work with, most speak English thanks to this being the international school, and Youtube.
The fascinating thing about children is that they are constantly navigating interpersonal relationships. From gaining life skills like resilience when having to share playing with a certain toy for example. When one child tells me that another doesn’t want to play with them I suggest they just play with someone else. It seems so simple yet as adults it can feel hard to do. Instead we indulge ourselves in toxic, destructive and abusive relationships. Why? If someone person makes you feel bad then cease interactions with them right?
The universe always seems to take you to where you need to be. I don’t think the 5 year olds know that when I ask them what makes them happy, I’m actually doing a bit of research for my own personal development. I also don’t think the homeless women of Reykjavik would believe that I aspire to have their level of confidence to keep showing up for myself everyday no matter my state. We are all so very worthy of getting a grilled cheese sandwich at 2 am, some fresh clothes, fresh sheets, a warm bed and a room to do whatever we need to do in order to cope. This is harm reduction
Through history women and marginalised communities haven’t seen themselves represented, they’ve had to fight for their rights and continue to do so. The modern world was designed with a cis, white man in mind. All people should be respected, praised and lifted up, especially people of colour, people living with a disability LGBTQIA+ people.
Show yourself love - don’t allow others to compromise your sense of self worth. You are oh so worthy!
Seek out the people in your life who lift you up and make you shine. Nothing comes from trying to prove or justify yourself to others. Surround yourself with good, nourishing company that you keeps you feeling GOOD.
Keep somethings private and for yourself. This need to have an online presence, to show the world what you are doing - there is no need to expose all the parts of yourself. Not everyone gets a VIP, front row seat to your life.
Make time to listen to your own wisdom. We all have that little voice, that instinct that lives within that tells us what’s good or not good for us. Nurture it.
And if you want to be brave then speak up, tell your tales, share your stories. It takes guts to put your hands up, take your game face off and say ‘I feel shit today’. Chances are, if you’ve got a crew around you that you can be yourself and vibe with, no matter what, they will help keep your sparkle shine.
Unlock the power of the universe that is within. Get to know yourself. Hold space for others to shine. Spread luv x
Takk fyrir mig.
