International Volunteer House//’Barma for Life’
https://heatherloweena.wordpress.com/2018/07/26/barma4lyf/
Once upon a time, 8 strangers came to live together to volunteer in Iceland and ‘Barma’ was born.
Barma is not a cult, we did a buzzfeed quiz just to make sure; ‘Barma’ is a way of life and it has been my home for the past year.
It was a gradual process but as we spent time getting to know one another and learning the ways of the house, we started to notice something was going on around us.
Through a shared interest in trying to make the world a better place, these strangers became my super hero’s and got me through the darkest of winters. I’m trying to stop defining myself through past pain but in the story of Barma I think it’s relevant.
We each wanted to break Iceland, not break as such, more just be accepted. Icelanders are known for not being the warmest of people. Not in a mean way but they are just busy doing their own thing with their own types, they don’t have many vacancies for new folk. However, we had vacancies.
We’d keep sharing stories of failed attempts to integrate into our new setting, whilst getting excited about the nights drawing in and the aurora borealis. It took a while of riding this carousel before realising that I was surrounded by people who I actually quite liked, who had my back and conveniently I saw them most days so perhaps my energy would be much better used investing in these guys instead.
I signed up to volunteer at a women’s shelter for one year in Iceland. I did not expect some next level, spiritual awakening but that’s what I got. The short dark winter nights, the long, overcast summer days, the tiny population, introverted characters and their incessant need to get drunk - have all been contributing factors to some of the greatest lessons of my life so far.
1 – '‘Barma’ means family and family means no one gets left behind.
Alex adapted this Lilo and Stitch quote for us. Barma has been used to house volunteers for around six years now and it’s residents were always from a mix backgrounds, different countries and cultures - but each of us came here to volunteer. To help people; children, refugees, addicts – we already pretty open minded. ‘Barma hostel’ has housed an the extended Barma family made up of previous volunteers, friends, visitors, strangers, couch surfers and acquaintances. We also have food (either donated through our projects or acquired from the dumpster driving), which has contributed to many abundant ‘family’ dinners. It is important to find and spend time with community. Putting aside our differences to eat, talk, sing, dance, be present and have shared experiences with others helps to nurture compassion. This gives us life.
2 The Barma-abundance.
So ‘bread Santa’ would take his ‘bread elves’ every Sunday night to the bakery to collect bread and pastries, bags full to the brim with goodies (including liquorice buns which the majority were not a fan of). Often food would get donated to our projects as food generally costs a lot here, so we could take surplus home. There are stores of communal food, the ‘chamber of secrets’ is a room of ‘treasures’ left by previous volunteers and the communal clothes cupboard has something for every occasion. I know we are fortunate and that this abundance isn’t always accessible but it has been about being resourceful, taking care of what we do have and looking in the right places, using only what is needed instead of over consuming. And dumpster diving can be attempted anywhere (although in many places there are laws against it).
3 Authenticity.
I have been fortunate enough to have had a solid set of friends throughout the years, seeing me through my highs and lows. Leaving friends, family and my van (#EdieLT35) behind to start up in Iceland was a huge lifestyle change.
We were 8 in one house!
These people became my family who watched and supported me as I went through some serious transformations. The combination of winter, shaving my head for charity and general ‘life stuff’ fogged a chunk of my time here. It’s as if my subconscious thought to itself ‘ahhh yes, it’s cold and dark, what a perfect setting to unpack all of your emotional baggage’. Though I felt like I was just doing a stock take instead of any removal, I must have packed it better, it feels much easier to carry now.
The truth is, I think, when your not sure of yourself, one feels the need to fit in, adapt to their surroundings, performing to be something, someone else might want around. It’s an exhausting game. We can find ourselves being consumed with making out like we are super chilled, fun and cool. Its not easy to hide from the people you live with, you notice when someone is off balance, but then you have a team of people who can intervene. To be so honest and open with essentially a bunch of strangers you’ve only known a few months helped me to find my authentic self.
4 Moon Child.
I remember the first time we headed down to collect sea water to clean my crystals by moonlight as per the Mayan shamans instructions. I’ve had the crystal a few years but didn’t know much about the rituals attached to them. When sharing the anecdote behind the crystal necklace, Oli was curious what would happen. I hadn’t ever actually washed them. So we tried. I didn’t really know what we were doing but we walked down to the coast, collected some water in a much loved mayonasie jar and then stood around for a bit gazing at the moon wondering if we were done yet.
There was magic that night!
We looked at the moon thinking of intentions for the month ahead – how to shake off this fog and get to the ‘good’ stuff. As we went to head home, turning our backs to the moon, the northern lights danced for us; bright green, pink, huge, majestic!
We held each other and agreed there and then that magic was real.
February was the beginning of a shift in ‘Barma’ life - the ‘moon ritual’ was born which meant you could identify opportunities for growth and the fam had your back. As skeptical as some people still are, we now gather, talking through our intentions for the coming new moon (even though it’s not been visible what with all this daylight), and then we go into nature for the full moon, collecting some ‘ceremonial’ water. Whether you believe in magic or not, the act of simply stopping, checking in and asking for help is going to help improve some symptoms when struggling with mental health. I am here for the woowoo if thats what it does.
5 Barmastè
‘Barma’ had elements of spirituality attached to it. A sort of place of worship, it taught me to always come from a place of love. Relationships, friendships are about balance. If one is giving or taking too much then it’s not sustainable. Sometimes we need to lean on others but we have to lift them back up in some way too.
Did you know a sincere hug can produce the same chemicals as anti-depressants. You need 4 a day for survival, 8 for maintenance and 12 for growth and it benefits both party’s.
Its cliche to say I’ve met some of the best people who created my Barma experience.
The building is being sold when we leave. There’s another, fancier house down the road (they’ve got a dishwasher), for remaining volunteers, but Barma philosophy will forever live on in the hearts of those who experienced it.
Yesterday whilst out running I thought about some reoccurring thought patterns I’d been experiencing. Earlier this year I laid ‘Crazy’ to rest along with some gremlins. ‘Crazy’ is the nick name I gave my alter ego, the one who would stalk you on social media, message you something ‘witty’ when intoxicated, care far too much and replay different scenarios of what may or probably may not ever happen, catastrophising in her mind whilst still trying to be swaggeriffic - really all she wants is to be loved. I’ve recently let her out to play.
Today she found love.
You know that friend you have that’s so annoying but you’ve been friends for years so you just accept them, just as they are? That’s what happened today, with ‘Crazy’. Yes, I like it when she lays dormant in my mind but now I’ve noticed her return, I laughed to myself and thought ‘I’ve got your back babe, do what you got to do’.
There has to be balance, love, let the ego out to play sometimes just don’t lose sight of your soul babes.
I think as long as we are not being happy in our own skin, ain’t nothing else gonna be enough. You need to love your self so much that your cups over flowing and then you can fill others up. When you’re running on empty it is easy to look for quick fixes but these aren’t sustainable. You’re gonna be in your own life for your whole life so you really want to try to get along with your gremlins, invite the over for dinner. Go do the things YOU enjoy, the things YOU think are cool. Go fall in love with YOU. When you love yourself it’s easier to love others, let the barriers come down. Know that everyone’s stuck in their own heads too, just trying to figure out this thing called life - just like YOU. We could all do with spreading more love starting with ourselves.
You do you babe.
To conclude;
Learn to love and accept yourself.
Learn to love and accept others.
Learn your boundaries, enforce them, allow them to evolve with you.
Balance.
Be in dialogue with self.
Find ommunity
takk fyrir mig – to all involved x
